Believing in Summer, in Sun.

 

Summer’s ahead

I choose not to believe it

I refrain from participating

I hardly stay sentient in my sadness

Suppressing emotions with a dull drone

Sleeping without sleep, without eyelids

Tossing and turning, drowning and suffocating

My eyes have seized, attached to angels and demons

Unobtainable beauty and the attraction of evil

Vicious cycles cartwheeling around me

Dizzy, Dizzy, Dizzy, I start to see stars

And a carpet of blood and fake tears

Success and green grass and love

I see smiles and laughter and tears

But my eyes roll back into my head

And see depression and emotionless whines

I fall like rain, I pray for tears

I meet the sky supported by aluminum wire

I distinguish the clouds and relish the taste

I taste the clouds and cease to breath 

I fall like rain, I pray for speed

 

Befriending the earth 

As if I finally belong

I feel one with rock,

With grass,

My unobtainable green

I dig myself under the ground

I drain the nutrients I lust for

From roots, from dirt

I’m pumped full of breath

My lungs are clean and savory 

I feel a shooting pain

A shot

A composition of my life

I lie still; I don’t lie

I run and run and run and run

While trees pursue me with elegance and aggression

The seasons pass steadily

My pursuers change appearance

From orange to brown to yellow to green

They shed their skin and look forward 

Prepared to devour my sins

Angels consisting of branches and Demons consisting of nectar

Roots entangle my feet and flip me upside down

I spit, avoiding compliance

and they grow from my regret

They seem to be happy

I see heaven in their expressions

I see god in their reflection

I feel my sins exit my body

I feel the wind in my hair 

I remember the taste of clouds

I remember the feeling of closing my eyes

And feel bliss

I forget my regrets and I’m free of sin

I finally fall

I’m finally free.